Mino :)
This is sort of a test letter. I've lost touch with actually conveying something, communicating what i want to. I guess I can start with why I am the way I am.
I do not have words to describe that feeling of having been intellectually dormant for the longest time. I've told you this before, I think. Over time, I got really comfortable with a certain kind of thinking, with a certain set of expectations, thinking i needed a certain "set" of conditions to be happy. I unfortunately associated that with my relationship back then, I got dumped, everything went to hell, I had a couple of rebound relationships (G being one of them) and lost my mind. No aim, no dreams, just a broken heart. And a lot of resentment.
I can understand the resentment now. Each time a relationship ends, there is inevitable one person who feels a sense of having been left behind. I fell into the "dormant partner- Indian girlfriend - eventually aiming for domesticity" and god, isn't it such a mediocre life to have?
So yeah. After feeling like a roadblock in someone's life for the longest time, after grief and rage came denial and then finally acceptance. This is my life now, and I would really like to believe that I am more than merely the sum of all the things that have happened until now. I have become sentient :P
I cannot forget that moment when you pulled me close and asked me to put myself first. I felt (and feel) so many things about it, it's great. I'm thinking in a way that I had long forgotten. What do I want, what am I good at, where do I want to be. Do I want money, do I want the satisfaction of a job on the field, how important are the things I simply assumed were important.
I do not want to think about the "whats" of us, though, for sure. It's highly probable that I am YOUR rebound person. I'm not being pessimistic, I guess I'm just trying to prepare myself for any eventuality because I do not want to let emotions be my compass anymore. That doesn't mean they aren't there, though..so...aaaargh.
Anyway the idea behind writing this was that my PAE wasn't coming too well because there was no flow to what I was typing. So this.
All the above disconnected sentences aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a good feeling. I am glad I have you to share it with. Back to work now. I hope you have a lovely morning.
Indu
This is sort of a test letter. I've lost touch with actually conveying something, communicating what i want to. I guess I can start with why I am the way I am.
I do not have words to describe that feeling of having been intellectually dormant for the longest time. I've told you this before, I think. Over time, I got really comfortable with a certain kind of thinking, with a certain set of expectations, thinking i needed a certain "set" of conditions to be happy. I unfortunately associated that with my relationship back then, I got dumped, everything went to hell, I had a couple of rebound relationships (G being one of them) and lost my mind. No aim, no dreams, just a broken heart. And a lot of resentment.
I can understand the resentment now. Each time a relationship ends, there is inevitable one person who feels a sense of having been left behind. I fell into the "dormant partner- Indian girlfriend - eventually aiming for domesticity" and god, isn't it such a mediocre life to have?
So yeah. After feeling like a roadblock in someone's life for the longest time, after grief and rage came denial and then finally acceptance. This is my life now, and I would really like to believe that I am more than merely the sum of all the things that have happened until now. I have become sentient :P
I cannot forget that moment when you pulled me close and asked me to put myself first. I felt (and feel) so many things about it, it's great. I'm thinking in a way that I had long forgotten. What do I want, what am I good at, where do I want to be. Do I want money, do I want the satisfaction of a job on the field, how important are the things I simply assumed were important.
I do not want to think about the "whats" of us, though, for sure. It's highly probable that I am YOUR rebound person. I'm not being pessimistic, I guess I'm just trying to prepare myself for any eventuality because I do not want to let emotions be my compass anymore. That doesn't mean they aren't there, though..so...aaaargh.
Anyway the idea behind writing this was that my PAE wasn't coming too well because there was no flow to what I was typing. So this.
All the above disconnected sentences aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a good feeling. I am glad I have you to share it with. Back to work now. I hope you have a lovely morning.
Indu
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