Hello again.

I was once so angry that I decided I would never write here again. But it seems like “never” and “always” are too set in concrete to actually be real. 

It’s funny how much perspective a little time can bring. I say it’s funny because this is a letter of gratitude. I am grateful for the changes you have made. I am grateful for every hug, every touch, and every bad joke intended to make me smile (you succeed). I am grateful because you are still here.

I have called you critical and unkind and too bound by reason to feel. But reality: as temperamental and furious as I have been, you have stuck by me, and tried to comfort me, and been there.

I can see now that when it feels like I am pushing myself, it must feel that way to you too. When it feels like my effort is at 100 and god where will I get the 101 from, you must be feeling that way from the other side. I am guilty of not trying to see things from your point of view more often.

I still don’t think this is the ideal relationship, but that’s a story for another day. You once told me, “See, you’re happy with me”, after a fight. Back then I interpreted that as arrogance but now, I see that you were right. 

That you are trying makes me so happy. I’m sure it’s as big a leap for you as the things I do for you are for me. It’s not a competition. So you take your time. 

Thank you, and just know that I love you more than words can say.